Sunday, January 4, 2015

An interesting chain of events caused my jazz journey to come to a silent halt. When I began this blog in 2013, I was partially unemployed and suffering from a raging pain in my neck. In April, I got a great job but my body just wasn't healing. Over the summer, I was taking a shower and noticed a large lump in my left breast. I called my girlfriend and we decided that I am just hypochondriac enough to not freak out and keep an eye on it. By September, we learned that I was stage 3 having cancer not only in the breast, but also in 3 lymph nodes. After chemo, radiation, miraculously keeping my great job and over a year later, I am ready to get back to my jazz journey. 
Music heals Hypertension, Cancer pain
 I have managed to relent my refurbished record player to a Crosley that just looks old fashioned. My speakers are still quite old and could use an upgrade. The record collection has grown beyond my Dad's jazz. I worked my way through the entire Ken Burns jazz documentary, so my knowledge has deepened and I have a number of Pandora channels devoted to various artists.  Dad's records have really brought me joy and peace through the healing process. I was so glad I started this blog because it really gave me a foundation.

I am a completely different person now. I have cut loose of all people and sources of negativity and temptation. I have learned to rely on myself completely. I don't really care to reach out to other bloggers or promote my blog, although I hope that I will naturally find an audience. My journey has changed. 

Since jazz can refer to music as well as life, I want to continue this jazz journey. I won't limit it to music. The jazz of life is pretty loud. The most important thing that I learned from having and beating cancer is that pain, fear and loneliness is necessary to appreciate the other side. I no longer numb myself to these things. Because of what I have faced, I can embrace pain, fear and loneliness. It still hurts, but there would be something seriously wrong if it didn't. 

If I continue to travel on my journey, I will remind myself about the things that can get me through. Mediation, positive mantras, reaching beyond myself and losing myself in music are saving grace. The brain changes in response to experience. Letting go and staying strong will be my new jazzy journey. C'est Si Bon.